I saved a lizard; and learned something valuable afterward
I know what that title makes me look like.
It makes me sound like I am a bleeding heart, and I almost might be.
Except, I hate cockroaches and won’t think twice about swatting them dead.
Lizards, on the other hand, it’s a case of live and let live; as long as they mind their business, I mind mine. Plus, they eat cockroaches for breakfast, so, what possible beef could I have with them?
Anyway, I went out today with my best friend from work to grab some lunch.
It was one of those roadside lunches that consisted of thick smoke, roasted yams, and plantains soaked in a healthy amount of palm oil and some roasted fish. The sun was not being friendly, but I assure you, the promise of this meal kept me under its blazing embrace.
So, while we are waiting for our orders to be wrapped off, I get a voice note from my friend’s new boyfriend and I take off to the side of our fancy outdoor eatery, where there is a phantom shade from a little tree that looks like it has seen better days.
And that is when I see it.
The lizard.
It is in a paint bucket half-filled with water and palm oil, an aftermath of washing dirty dishes I presume, and it is trashing around weakly, trying to find a way to climb out.
Absently minded, I think to myself, “how in the world did you get in there little fella?”.
I make a mental note to help it out when I am done and turn away.
By the time I turn back, its floating belly up, mouth agape.
Y’all, I swear I don’t even know when I yell, “no! don’t die!”
I lunge forward and grab a stick long enough and thick enough to take it out and it immediately flips over, grabs the stick and holds on for dear life.
I don’t want to brag, but I really feel proud of the damn thing for some seconds.
I put the stick on the small fence beside me and expect it to scurry off in fear or gratitude, but it sits there looking grateful to be alive, thanking it all in.
And I’m standing there, grateful that it is alive and taking him all in; his oil coated skin and rapidly blinking eyes. It is soaking the sun, I am soaking in the sun and in that moment I realize:
My empathy isn’t dead after all.
You see, I have been struggling with the feeling that I am totally heartless and inconsiderate after moving on from a relationship where my better half literally made me feel I was of no value.
After almost a year, I am getting messages of being missed and pleas to listen to NF’s “time” with the quaint promise, “every word, every line is me” and I have been feeling the pressure to be nice, to give this relationship one more chance.
But each time I try to find some space in my heart to give it one more shot, I remember the first thing I learned after I walked out:
“when someone tells you who they are, believe them”
And I choose to believe what his actions and words in this past year of separation has shown me, that I am not worth the chase or effort after all.
So yes, saving this lizard kind of showed me that I am not a hard-hearted woman.
Saving this lizard was like one of those wake up calls you get when you shout into empty space and get an echo.
More importantly, this wonderful encounter made me realize me that I have grown enough to understand my value and to choose the kind of person to let down my walls for next time.
So, to my little oil drenched lizard slugging it through some unknown shrub somewhere, thank you. I owe you one.
